God’s plumber tape

I had a great conversation with God while I was swinging on the hammock today. I just love how he makes me smile with the words that he gives me. He also makes me laugh too because he always gives me these really great and amazingly insightful conversations when, of course, I don’t have my phone. So, the whole time I’m talking with him I’m thinking, please help me remember this, please help me remember this. You may be thinking, go grab your phone then. I have learned that if I cut the conversation short by running to get my phone and then try to pick up where we left off, I never seem to pick up where I need to. So, I have learned to go with the flow of the delightful conversation and then hope God brings it to me again as I grab my phone to write it down.

Well, here I am with my phone in hand, back in the hammock, hoping God is ready to reveal the same magnificent advice to me yet again, except this time I’ll be ready to capture the essence and write it all down.

Let’s go back to the beginning thought that I had with God that led me down this rabbit hole. During this whole quarantine thing I have been thinking and feeling like I should get to know myself better. But not in the way the world says you should. I mean, knowing myself on a deeper spiritual level, with God. Like I want to get to know myself and see myself and love myself like God does! Has anyone else had this same revelation and same prayer? I think it’s amazing how God gives us these desires to know Him better but to also know ourselves better!

I’d say for most of my life I’ve been pretty confident in who I am and what my gifts are, but I for some reason have always loved the idea of knowing myself better. I always wanted to know myself so that I knew who I was and what I stood for and why I believed those things, so that other people couldn’t tell me otherwise. One thing I have always hated was when other people try to tell me who I am or what I believe. Maybe some of those people meant it out of love, but I know some people didn’t, they just thought I would blindly follow them in their thinking. The problem is I have not always been the best at clearly speaking my beliefs because telling people “it’s a gut feeling” or “it doesn’t feel right” or “I don’t know why: I just believe this deep inside of me” doesn’t usually cut it. I can now say the older I’ve gotten and the deeper I’ve gotten in my faith: all of those feelings were from God and his Holy Spirit living in me as discernment. But back then, all I knew was that it was something I should trust, so I always did. I would always pay attention to areas in my life where I felt strongly convicted to think one way or another and I would try to work through why I believed it. Because I started figuring myself out that if I felt strongly convicted about something there was no changing my mind, so I wanted to make sure that the areas of my life that I felt strongly about were good and honest areas to care about. And throughout my life I have continued this thinking and this process has changed into more a detailed account of my relationship with Christ.

Now, when I feel strongly convicted about something I take it to God in prayer and I ask him how I should be feeling about this matter and if it’s His heart I’m feeling or a mindset of this world? Because the Bible says to take every thought captive and I want to be aware of what I am feeding my mind and make sure it is truth. Well now to bring this whole story back around, the conversation I was having with God was about self-love and self-worth. This thought occurred to me, that if I am created in such perfect harmony with who God is and I am created in the perfect image and am the physical representation of the invisible God that he is, then why do I struggle with loving all that I am? It kind of hit me that if I love God with all that I am, which I do! Then why don’t I love myself the same way? Shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t I love myself and see myself as the same thing that God sees when He sees me? Shouldn’t I love, protect and honor myself the very same way that I do for the lord? It was like these thoughts just came flooding to me. If I love the lord with all that I am, then shouldn’t I love and see myself as the same thing? He created me in His perfect image. He picked each piece of my personality out and hand crafted each gift He wanted me to have, and He perfectly designed my life to be for His glory. Isn’t it kind of dishonoring to God when I say I don’t like this about myself, or I don’t like that, or I should work on this and I’d be better if I did this? Aren’t I criticizing his handiwork? But….. at the same time, I don’t want to be foolish enough to think I am perfect and that I am without fault and that there aren’t areas of my life that could use improving. That would be naïve and selfish. So yes, I am aware there are parts of me and my life that I am learning to love better but at the same time there are parts I know aren’t good and I should be changing. Some of those areas I haven’t been able to change, but I also don’t want to beat myself up and think that I am unworthy because of these imperfections or mistakes or faults I find in myself. I don’t want to be too hard on myself, but I also want to be firm enough that I don’t fall into sin.

Here I am having this intense and deep conversation with God about, how do I love myself in all my faults but also how do I not over-love myself and think I’m better than I actually am? I love how God works and how he talks to me, so what He did is, He brought me back to a brief conversation I had with my stepdad about plumbers tape. My stepdad was explaining to me what the purpose of the little blue wheel and white tape on the pipe was for. God reminded me of this explanation, and I could just feel it begin to settle in my heart…slowly, like a warm cup of tea goes all the way down your throat. God explained to me that yes, we should love the perfect masterpiece that He has created us to be, and yes, we should take care of it and honor and love it like we would do if we received a present from God. But he also reminded me of the word GRACE! It may seem like a small word, just like the little blue reel of white plumbers tape, but the strength and the impact that it is has, is powerful. He reminded me not to be too hard on myself but also wants to remind us of the plumbers tape and that is called, grace. God freely gives his children grace. It is not something we can earn or even that we deserve, but He freely gives it to us each and every day. So yes, on those days when you’re too hard on yourself or maybe those days when you’re on top of the world, God gives you his grace and his plumbers tape to fill in the gaps that we cannot manage on our own. You see that’s what the purpose of plumbers tape really is, you wrap it around the pipe and screw it into the valve and once it’s screwed in and you can’t get in there any longer, than the tape fills in all the little gaps still left, to make sure that the balance between the valve and the pipe remains watertight. And that’s exactly what God’s grace does for each of us! When we can’t fill in all the gaps of the world, that’s when His plumbers tape will do the rest. His grace will keep you and your life watertight, and I promise it is something you can completely rest in knowing, that He will always fill in your gaps and will always take care of you! You are his perfect masterpiece, so carefully created, designed and loved!

I hope this brings you a message of love and peace and rest during this uncertain time in the world that you can always count on God, ALWAYS!

With love,

Kaley