Healing journey

Here is a personal revelation that I wanted to share. I hope that it sets someone else free from the lies that we have believed.

One thing I heard many times from countless different people in the church during my health journey is “you have sin in your life that is blocking God from healing you, or, you are harboring unforgiveness in your heart and it isn’t allowing God a place to work.” Now they aren’t wrong, yes I did have unconfessed sin in my life and I did have a heart full of unforgiveness but let me tell you something… I do not believe that our God withholds His healing from his children who he loves with all his might because I didn’t confess my sins good enough or forgive those around me. He above everything else knows I am unworthy or incapable of earning his love and earning his healing because I am not perfect, I am not him, I am not his son. I am broken and battered and live in a fallen world and in my own might and my own power I cannot earn anything from him. He knows that. But he loves me so much that he already put a plan in place for those times when I messed up and committed those sins that I hadn’t confessed and he knew all the things that would be done to me that would well up in my heart and make me hold onto unforgiveness for years and years. He knew long before I was even born what I would need from him. He knew I would need a savior. He knew I needed his son. So he sent his son all those years ago to come to this earth and die for me and take away my sins and forgive me for all that I would do. He went before me and saved me before I even needed saving. He went before me and healed me before I needed healing. He doesn’t withhold anything because he has already done it all for us.

What I realized he is doing is inviting me deeper within myself where I can find him, the one who has been living inside me this whole time. You see he doesn’t withhold anything because he knows we couldn’t earn it even if we tried and he certainly isn’t asking us to try, he is asking us for a relationship with him. What I am discovering is the deeper you go with him the deeper you go within yourself you discover that he has been with you the whole entire time, because his same spirit that lived in his son lives within us. That same spirit that defeated death for Jesus and healed him of his wounds and forgave my sins and healed the sick and casted out demons has always been within me, all I had to do was find it and believe it. I don’t have to earn it by doing all the right stuff or praying the right way or confessing my sins in the perfect way or even forgiving those who have hurt me. Because that spirit has been within me the whole time those things were happening, and the only difference now is that God has invited me to go deep enough that I have reawakened that same spirit within me.

Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t confess your sins or forgive those around you because you absolutely should and you should be working on those things but what I am saying is your healing is not dependent on you doing those things, because our God is so much bigger than that. He isn’t dangling that healing in front of you just out of your reach and saying to you “oh you better go forgive that person or don’t forget to confess those sins I know you committed.” No, he never has withheld anything from you, it has been then there all along but what he does do is every step of the way he invites you into a deeper relationship with himself which in return gives you a deeper sense of who you are, and he begins to show you the power that has been within you the whole time.

For so long I felt like it was my fault that I wasn’t being healed that I wasn’t doing enough or being enough or doing stuff the right way and I was hindering my own healing. Which there are some areas that I am working on still but what the main idea is that I was thinking if I performed well enough God would heal me when that’s not how it works at all. Actually, God is taking his sweet time in my healing journey, and it has given me a lot of time to think and pray and grow and love myself in new ways. But really this thought that just hit me is this, what God has been doing with me personally on my health journey is he hasn’t given me the quick fix, the full healing, and the testimony to shout from the rooftops that I am healed. Nope, it hasn’t worked that way for me. What he has done is he has continued to empower me to take responsibility for my own healing. He hasn’t jumped in and saved me because he wanted to teach me how to save myself with the tools, he has already given me or continues to give me along the way. Which I believe doctors and other healthcare professionals and friends and family and books and videos and everything are tools God uses to empower us.

 What I am realizing with my own journey is God isn’t giving me the easy way out or the short-term fix because he needs me to pick up my weapon and fight and not just keep sidestepping the fight. It’s kind of like that saying where if you give a man a fish, he eats for one day but if you teach a man how to fish, he’ll be fed forever. Well I feel like that’s what God is doing with me. He’s teaching me how to fish and then once he’s taught me how to fish than he has me teach others and it keeps going. So what I wanted to share is this, God is our healer and he loves us more than anything else in this world but sometimes if and when he isn’t taking something from you (that thorn in your side) it could be that he is encouraging you and empowering you to take back the authority that he has already given you and he is teaching you how to fight so that he can send you out and you can help others discover the same thing!

I just wanted to say this because it is a lie I have been believed that my healing or your promise, whatever it may be, is dependent on me and my abilities when in reality it has always been dependent on the goodness of my father and he has already made a way for you and me and he is simply inviting us to go deeper with him so that we can uncover what he has put inside of each of us. I pray this blesses each of you and that you would take the leap with God today to go deeper with him and give him all that you are so that he can show you all that he created you to be!

With love,

Kaley